Gary Varvel essay: The Biblical glue to marriage

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This newsletter was originally posted on September 13 but was accidentally deleted from my Substack page so I’m reposting it.

THE SECRET TO MARRIAGE

“Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth… And always be enraptured with her love.” - Proverbs 5:18. 

Is your marriage a duet or a duel? For many this is a sore subject. My intent is not to shame but to share what the Bible says about how to enjoy a marriage that lasts a lifetime. 

In John Newcombe’s movie, “Best Man In Grass Creek,” there is a scene in which an older woman is giving advice to a young couple. She tells them, “you’re in love and that’s good, but one day you’ll wake up and look at your spouse and say, ‘Who in the h*** is that?’ And that is when your marriage will begin.” 

That’s a funny way of saying when romantic love goes from extraordinary to ordinary, that’s when love requires more than a feeling. Love is work, but it’s work that you will love if you do it right. You see, love is an action word. 

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

First of all, notice that love is a verb. God commands “husbands to love your wife like Jesus Christ loved the church.” How? By giving — your time, attention, work, helping her around the house, taking care of the kids and meeting whatever needs your wife has. Marital love is sacrificial.

Sadly, we’re all sinners and naturally selfish. This can cause couples to drift apart. Years ago, I asked a divorcee why he got a divorce. He said that he and his wife just grew apart. “She had her friends and I had mine.” So their marriage died because they stopped doing life together and focused on themselves instead of their spouse. 

Married and lonely is not what God intended for marriage. Obviously, it’s easy to feel romantic when you’re dating or newlywed and you’re full of hormones. But when you hit the seven-year itch, be very careful that familiarity does not breed boredom, which can lead to a wandering eye, which can lead to emotional adultery, which can lead to physical adultery, which leads to the “d-word” (DIVORCE). 

Guard your marriage. In Proverbs 5, Solomon warns his son about the consequences of adultery. Then he gives him this timeless advice – focus your romantic attention on your wife. “Be enraptured” or captivated “with her love.” In other words, don’t stop flirting with your wife — only with your wife. Choose to be romantic. Yes, choose — love is a choice.

Give to your marriage. Give your attention, your time and your work to your wife. Speak loving words to your wife like you did in the beginning. And give your devotion only to your wife. Men, feelings follow actions like a caboose follows a train. The more love you give to your wife, the more love you will feel for your wife. 

Glue your marriage. Couples who pray together, stay together. Jesus is the glue that will keep married couples together. Marriage is NOT a duet, it’s a TRIO with Jesus in the center. The closer husbands and wives get to Jesus the closer they get to one another. Sacrificial love isn’t natural, it’s supernatural. That’s why praying for your spouse and praying together is so effective. 

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” - James 5:16 NLT

Now, I have a confession to make: I had an amazing teacher in how to keep the romance alive — my father, Forest Varvel. I learned how to treat my wife from watching how my father treated my mother. I imagine that my children learned the same from me. 

Men, the greatest gift you can give your children is to love their mother. Your example will especially impact how your sons love their wives. And your future daughters-in-law will thank you for it.

COMING NEXT WEEK - PART 2: Biblical marriage is a union of 2 Forgivers

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READER CRITICISM

Reader:

Mr. Varvel: Your latest cartoon is fundamentally dishonest. The only evidence (see recent disclosure of Russians paying influencers to push Trump) is that Putin is supporting Trump, not Harris. There is zero evidence to support your cartoon. Shame on you.

My Answer:

Vladimir Putin trolls US presidential race with ‘endorsement’ of Kamala Harris

Reader:

I stand corrected.

INTERVIEW

VIDEO - Pastor Brandon Holthaus interviewed me on his podcast, TIP OF THE SPEAR. We talked about a wide-range of topics from my career to the secularization of American culture to the upcoming presidential election.

I encourage you to listen to Holthaus’ other podcasts. I especially learned a lot from this one with Pastor Billy Crone.

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SPEAKING EVENT

I will be the keynote speaker at the Right to Life of Indianapolis Celebrate Life Dinner Fundraiser at the Marriot Ballroom on October 1.