PART 2 - Varvel: Father's Day advice
Redeeming the time
Time management
by Gary Varvel
“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16)
There is a scene in the movie, Hook, when Peter Banning (Robin Williams) who is obsessed with work, gets a call from the office while on a family vacation. His wife throws his phone out of the window and says, “Your children love you. They want to play with you. How long do you think that lasts?…We have a few special years with our children when they are the ones who want us around. After that, you’re going to be running after them for a bit of attention. It’s so fast, Peter. Just a few years and it’s over. You are not being careful and you are missing it.”
Men, are you being careful with your time management? There are so many demands for our time that make it difficult to find a balance. We have to work to provide for our family. But as in the movie, Hook, we can let the tyranny of the urgent supersede what’s most important.
Years ago, I met an executive who made a lot of money but traveled a lot for his job. When a friend shared with him the following story, he quit his job.
His friend told him that there will be 3 different groups of people who will show up to grieve his death? Group 1. The people who will attend your visitation. Group 2. The people who will attend your funeral. Group 3. The people who will attend your graveside service. The largest group is the first group. It is usually consists of friends, family and a few co-workers. The second group is smaller. It usually consists of close friends and family. But the smallest group of people will be the ones who attend your graveside service. These are the people who loved you the most because of the impact you had on them while you were on earth.
Then his friend asked him which group was getting most of his time. This executive told me that he was giving his life to his work associates who didn’t love him the way his family did. So he quit to find a job that allowed him more time with his family.
Question to you: Which group is getting most of your time?
In the early 90s, I met a caricature artist who was in his late 50s. He had developed a successful business with some big corporations as his clients. He offered the business to me but it required travel 30 weeks a year. Although it was a lot more money than I was making at my newspaper job, I turned him down.
My children were very young at the time and they didn’t need more money, they needed more time with their father. Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Dads, teach your children well in the “training and admonition” (instruction) of the Lord.
Men, God made you in His image and your children will get their idea of what God is like from watching you. Sure, you need to work and provide for your family. But your kids also need your love and attention and time.
My children are adults now and thankfully are following the Lord. That didn’t happen by accident. No, my wife and I worked together to raise them for God. I’m a grandfather now. I can’t believe how fast time has flown by.
Take my advice: Don’t miss it.
EPILOGUE: God created us with a free will. You can do all of the right stuff as a dad and your kids can still make wrong choices. Remember, Adam and Eve lived in a perfect environment but still sinned. If you have prodigal kids, don’t give up hope. Keep praying for them to return to God and you.
Written by Gary Varvel in 2017. (Updated 2023)
Well written. When I married in 1973 my husband had just graduated from college as an environmental engineer. Hours weren’t bad initially while I was working too and we took the train to and from Chicago together. Then we had our first child. That was when the commute time was no longer beneficial. We moved back to Wisconsin. My husband was very good at his job and with that came more hours. By the time he was at his final job, he was vice president and part owner of the firm. Over time he had different health issues and at 57 the Lord called him home. By that time we had three grandchildren and our son was in his final year at the seminary. My husband was blessed by seeing his son preach but never saw him become a pastor. My son and his dad were very close. My husband was even the best man at my son’s wedding, so his death hit hard. After all now my son was the “man” of the family and he had to be strong for me. And now, 15 years later, I am blessed to be able to observe how my son strives to make time with his family. He realizes how much he would have liked his dad around more. It is important for fathers to keep a balance between family and their vocation. The world will eat you up if you’re not careful.
Nails it.